We Page 25

  Into Action

  I am a dreamer, and having a dream is sometimes challenging, but I never look at a situation as too difficult.

  —SISTER ROSEMARY NYIRUMBE, Ugandan nun and humanitarian

  Now that we’ve placed our lives on a spiritual foundation, we can take our values out into the world. We can take action to become fully congruent and to close the gap between what we believe and what we do.

  If we ignore the obstacles our ego throws up and follow the nudging of our soul, we will each find our own path and our own way of being useful. The gentle revolution is already happening.

  Across the world, women are changing the paradigm.

  A Pakistani schoolgirl won the Nobel Prize and is changing the face of education.

  In Utah, a young mother’s account of being poor in the United States went viral and is shifting attitudes about low wages.

  In London, a mother’s post on Facebook led to thousands marching for Syrian refugees.

  In Iran, a student’s hunger strike turned the world’s attention to the continued oppression of women.

  In Uganda, a nun turned her convent into a safe haven for trafficked women and girls.

  Women all over the world are taking actions, big and small, and one by one creating change.

  As a woman, my country is the whole world.

  —VIRGINIA WOOLF (1882–1941), British writer

  Each of us has our own part to play. Nothing is asked of us that we don’t already have to give. We all bring different qualities and different gifts. We are all needed. The internet gives us ways of reaching one another and getting organized that have never existed before.

  Every one of us has our own calling, dictated by our heart.

  Some of us will lead, some of us will support. Some of us will march, some of us will make tea, some of us will sew banners, some of us will write research papers. Others of us will sit with someone who is lonely and feels broken, as we have each felt in our own way.

  But what we won’t do is be indifferent to suffering. We won’t tolerate discrimination and unfairness, and we will no longer believe that our voices and our actions won’t change anything, because together they can, they will, and they already are.

  The 9 Principles at a Glance

  The 9 Principles are a path of love, for ourselves and for the world. You might like to take a photo or write out the following summary. Place the list somewhere prominent—on your computer desktop, by your bedside table, or in your purse—to remind you to allow the Principles to guide you.

  * * *

  Principle 1: Honesty

  Honesty is the guide that leads us home. It returns us to our true selves and enables us to live authentically, courageously, and congruently.

  Action. Today I will have the courage to be me, irrespective of what others think.

  Affirmation. I am true to myself.

  * * *

  Principle 2: Acceptance

  Acceptance gives us the ability to handle whatever life throws our way. It asks that we sit with what is—even when it’s painful. In return, it transforms our relationship with reality and enables us to find peace.

  Action. Today I will embrace life as it is and feel whatever emotions need to be felt.

  Affirmation. My feelings guide me home.

  * * *

  Principle 3: Courage

  Courage is the Principle that frees us from our past. It enables us to live fully in the present by shedding the stories and unresolved anger that keep us trapped. It puts us firmly on the path to wholehearted, authentic living.

  Action. I will take responsibility for feeling and releasing my anger safely.

  Affirmation. Today I let go of being right so that I can be happy.

  * * *

  Principle 4: Trust

  Trust is our antidote to fear. It aligns us with the flow of life—a magnificent energy that guides and directs us so that we live expansive, happy, and fulfilling lives.

  Action. When I feel fear, I will ask myself what I would do if I weren’t afraid and then do it.

  Affirmation. Today I am safe, and I am happy.

  * * *

  Principle 5: Humility

  Humility allows us to be one of many, to know that we are wondrous and enough just as we are. When we practice humility, we have a strong sense of our own intrinsic worth that isn’t dependent on anything we do, have, or own.

  Action. I treat every woman I meet as a friend.

  Affirmation. My worth comes from within.

  * * *

  Principle 6: Peace

  Peace resides in the stillness beneath the chatter of our thinking minds. In that state of serenity, we experience freedom from inner conflict and a sense of wholeness. We feel connected to the world in which we live, and loneliness begins to evaporate.

  Action. Today, if I feel overwhelmed, I will pause and remind myself that underneath the surface, my true self resides.

  Affirmation. Whatever else is happening, deep down I know I am absolutely okay.

  * * *

  Principle 7: Love

  Love knows no bounds. It wants the best for everyone and doesn’t discriminate or judge. Love is our authentic nature and is always present but, like the sun, it can be obscured temporarily.

  Action. Today I will meet the gaze of all those I encounter with love.

  Affirmation. I am love.

  * * *

  Principle 8: Joy

  Joy feels like happiness, only better. It’s generated from within and doesn’t depend on what we have or haven’t got. It’s vital for our well-being and arises in the moment. Joy connects us with a sense of the divine.

  Action. Today I will seek out joy and let it fill my heart.

  Affirmation. I am resilient and filled with joy.

  * * *

  Principle 9: Kindness

  Kindness is what love looks like when we take it out into the world. It pierces our hearts as keenly as any arrow, and in doing so, it allows love to flow in and out. Through gentle, loving actions, kindness transforms us into spiritual activists.

  Action. Today I will choose to act kindly.

  Affirmation. When I take action, the world is a better place.

  Resources

  Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.

  —ANNE WILSON SCHAEF, author

  Sometimes the WE journey awakens us to issues that go beyond the scope of this book. Perhaps it’s an addiction to something or someone, a trauma you can’t move beyond, a need for therapy, a new interest in women’s organizations or world issues, a desire to learn more about yoga, meditation, or faith. Read more about these topics here, or visit our website, at www.WeWomenEverywhere.org.

  Abuse

  National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) (they list resources in all states), http://ncadv.org/stay-connected/state-coalitions.

  The National Domestic Violence Hotline, http://www.thehotline.org/.

  Safe Horizon (the nation’s leading victim assistance organization), https://www.safehorizon.org/.

  Addictions

  If you feel your life centers around a substance, person, relationship, or pattern of behavior that’s making you unhappy and yet you can’t seem to shake it, then the following fellowships may be useful:

  Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA), www.adultchildren.org.

  Al-Anon Family Groups (for families and friends of alcoholics), www.al-anon.org.

  Alateen (part of Al-Anon), www.al-anon.alateen.org.

  Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): www.aa.org.

  Chemically Dependent Anonymous (CDA), www.cdawebsitedev.com.

  Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), www.coda.org.

  Debtors Anonymous (DA), www.debtorsanonymous.org.

  Emotions Anonymous (EA), www.emotionsanonymous.org.

  Food Addicts Anonymous (FAA), www.foodaddictsanonymous.org.

  Gamblers Anonymous (GA), www
.gamblersanonymous.org.

  Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA), www.loveaddicts.org.

  Narcotics Anonymous World Services (NA), www.na.org.

  Nicotine Anonymous (NicA), www.nicotine-anonymous.org.

  Overeaters Anonymous (OA), www.oa.org.

  Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), www.saa-recovery.org.

  Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), www.slaafws.org.

  Underearners Anonymous (UA), www.underearnersanonymous.org.

  These are anonymous, mutually supportive groups offering help for recovery from addictive, compulsive, or mental-health patterns. They are free to attend and open to anyone who has a desire to change their relationship to a substance or behavior.

  Their sites are full of information, support, and ways to connect online or via a meeting in your area.

  Other Useful Resources

  In the US

  • National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), www.drugabuse.gov.

  • HelpGuide.org will help you select treatment programs, www.helpguide.org.

  • National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), www.niaaa.nih.gov.

  In Canada

  • Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse (CCSA), www.ccsa.ca, offers addiction information centers and help lines.

  • Canadian Drug Rehab Centres, www.canadiandrugrehabcentres.com, offers a directory of treatment programs.

  In Australia

  • Government website, “Drug and Alcohol Use,” www.alcohol.gov.au, offers drug and alcohol information services.

  • Lifeline, www.lifeline.org.au, offers addiction information and help lines.

  Further Reading

  Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 2001).

  Augustine Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (Boston: Augustine Fellowship, 1986).

  Carnes, P., A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Principles (Minnesota: Hazelden, 2012).

  Co-dependents Anonymous, Co-dependents Anonymous (Dallas: Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc., 1995).

  Mellody, P., Miller, A., and Miller, K., Facing Love Addiction (San Francisco: HarperOne, 1992).

  Trauma

  PTSD is a whole-body tragedy, an integral human event of enormous proportions with massive repercussions.

  —SUSAN PEASE BANITT, therapist and author

  In the aftermath of a traumatic event (a death, childhood neglect, sexual or physical abuse, disaster or war) it’s natural to feel frightened, depressed, anxious, panicked, and disconnected. But if these feelings don’t fade with time and you feel stuck with thoughts and memories that won’t go away, you may be suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Here are some questions to ask yourself:

  • Do you re-experience the event via repeated upsetting memories or dreams?

  • Do you feel intense physical and/or emotional distress when exposed to things that remind you of the event?

  • Do you try to avoid talking or thinking about it?

  • Do you now have a more limited sense of your future options (for example, getting a job you love, getting married, having children, or a normal lifespan)?

  • Do you have problems sleeping or concentrating?

  • Do you feel irrationally angry?

  • Have you experienced changes in eating habits?

  • More often than not do you feel sad, depressed, disinterested in life, worthless, or guilty?

  • Have you relied on drugs or alcohol in an attempt to alleviate your pain?

  Sometimes we can have a similar response to persistent childhood events that may seem smaller but which can haunt our adult lives. This could be witnessing domestic violence or living with an addicted parent. Either way, you may feel you’ll never get over what happened, but there are support systems and approaches that can help:

  Therapy

  Talking things over with a qualified therapist is the first thing you can do for yourself. There are different therapists with different approaches. Here are some that have worked for us:

  • Counselling. Talking to a trained empathetic professional in a safe and private environment on a short-term basis.

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Based on the idea that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle, affecting your mind, body, and actions. CBT is a way to talk through your current issues by breaking overwhelming problems down into smaller parts and examining negative patterns to find practical ways to improve the way you feel.

  • Psychotherapy. A deeper, more long-term look at your issues, searching for root causes.

  • Psychoanalysis. An examination of early childhood experiences and the unconscious.

  • Group Therapy. A group that meets regularly to interact, support, and heal.

  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

  A very practical, physical technique for dislodging memories that seem frozen.

  Rewind Technique

  Working with a trained practitioner to replay disturbing memories as if on rewind or fast-forward modes until the scenes evoke no emotion.

  Emotional Freedom Therapy (EFT, Known as “Tapping”)

  Treatment involves tapping specific parts of the body while recalling the event and then experiencing and identifying the nature of the feelings that come up, verbalizing them, and accepting or reframing them.

  Body Work

  Exploring the many techniques that involve working with the whole body to shake trauma. These can include breath work, yoga nidra, Reiki, and singing.

  Finding the Right Therapist or Practitioner

  The internet is a great resource, but there are many ways to find someone to help. Ask family and friends. Talk to your medical practitioner. Make a shortlist of potential therapists and call them to chat to see first if you connect over the phone. Research their background. Not all therapists are good, and not all will be the right one for you. Don’t just take the first option that becomes available to you, and assess your progress to make sure it really is working for you.

  If you are working on a tight budget or even an extremely tight budget, it does not mean there is no hope for you to get professional help. Plenty of therapists and counselling centers work on a sliding scale, and some even do pro-bono work. Talking to a therapist can be incredibly helpful when one has a complex past or just needs help getting through a tough period of life. It can become one of the most meaningful, rewarding, and even life-changing relationships.

  Women’s Organizations

  Feminism is an entire worldview or gestalt, not just a laundry list of women’s issues.

  —CHARLOTTE BUNCH, feminist author

  In the US, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, and Scandinavia, mass-organized women’s movements emerged in the midnineteenth century, although there have been feminist campaigns, literature, and heroines throughout recorded history. These nineteenth- century campaigning nations had certain things in common: Protestant culture, comparatively liberal political systems, and early mass moral reform movements (against slavery and alcohol, for international peace) often organized by more marginal Christian groups that encouraged women’s activity (Quakers, Unitarians).

  The first organizations were largely made up of middle-class women working closely with men (philosophers, radical liberals, and socialist members of parliament). The first country to give some women the vote was New Zealand in 1893, followed by Australia in 1902, and the United Kingdom by 1918. In the United States, all states complied by 1919.

  Other countries took much longer and women are still unable to vote in Saudi Arabia and Vatican City to this day. The power to vote is only one step in our ongoing struggle for equal power, equal pay, and equal rights.

  If you want to get more involved, there are plenty of groups. These range from support groups to political movements to development associations, charities, museums, NGOs, online magazines, and mentorship schemes. We’ve arranged them by country and what we outline below are just highlig
hts. Use the internet or local networks to find more in your area, visit our website (www.WeWomenEverywhere.org) to find more recommendations, or create your own group.

  US

  Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, www.bbbs.org.

  Emily’s List, www.emilyslist.org.

  Equal Rights Advocates, www.equalrights.org.

  National Organization for Women, www.now.org.

  National Women’s History Museum, www.nwhm.org.

  International

  Nobel Women’s Initiative, www.nobelwomensinitiative.org.

  Raging Grannies International, www.raginggrannies.org.

  UN Women, www.unwomen.org.

  Women’s Refugee Commission, www.womensrefugeecommission.org.

  Women’s WorldWide Web (W4), www.w4.org.

  UK

  Fawcett Society, www.fawcettsociety.org.uk.

  Mumsnet, www.mumsnet.com.

  National Federation of Women’s Institutes, www.thewi.org.uk.

  Southall Black Sisters, www.southallblacksisters.org.uk.

  Women’s Aid, www.womensaid.org.uk.

  Canada

  Girls Action Foundation, www.girlsactionfoundation.ca.

  National Council of Women of Canada (NCWC), www.ncwc.ca.