We Read online

  Principle 9, Kindness: Love in Action

  Armstrong, K. Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life. London: The Bodley Head, 2011.

  Harvey, A. The Hope: A Guide to Sacred Activism. London: Hay House, 2009.

  Post, S., The Hidden Gifts of Helping. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2011.

  Tolle, E. A New Earth. New York: Penguin, 2008.

  Williamson, M. A Return to Love. San Francisco: HarperOne, 1996.

  ———. The Age of Miracles. London: Hay House, 2008.

  Part 3: WE’s Manifesto

  Benn, M. What Should We Tell Our Daughters? London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2013.

  Campbell, B. End of Equality. London: Seagull Books, 2013.

  Cobble, D., L. Gordon, and A. Henry. Feminism Unfinished. New York: Liveright, 2014.

  Hooks, B. All About Love. New York: Harper Perennial, 2001.

  Klein, N. This Changes Everything. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2015.

  Neuwirth, J., and G. Steinem. Equal Means Equal. New York: New Press, 2015.

  Ngozi Adichie, C. We Should All Be Feminists. New York: Vintage Books, 2014.

  Orenstein, P. Girls & Sex. New York: HarperCollins, 2016.

  Orr, J. Marxism and Women’s Liberation. London: Bookmarks, 2015.

  Sandberg, S., and N. Scovell. Lean In. New York: Knopf, 2013.

  Walter, N. Living Dolls. New York: Little, Brown, 2011.

  Wilkinson, R., and K. Pickett. The Spirit Level. New York: Penguin Books, 2010.

  Acknowledgments

  This book owes its existence to many women. First among them is Claire Conrad, who was present at the moment the vision for WE came to us and who has midwifed it into being. She’s its invisible third author.

  Grateful thanks also to Lynn Nesbit and Rebecca Folland at Janklow & Nesbit, and Caroline Wood and all at Felicity Bryan. To our publishers on both sides of the Atlantic: at HarperCollins, Kate Elton, Carolyn Thorne, Polly Osborn, Isabel Hayman-Brown, Holly Kyte, and Ellie Crisp; at Atria, Judith Curr, who believed in it before it existed, Leslie Meredith, and Jonathan Evans. And to Sandy Draper for her amazing editing of the early drafts.

  Thanks also to: Mel Agace, Piper Anderson-Klotz, Helen Backhouse, Sam Bescelli, Alicja Brown, Saskia Burke, Jamie Byng, Sydney Davis, Denzyl Feigelson, Daisy Garnett, Elizabeth Gordon, Zoe Hunter Gordon, Reverend Bill Hague, Leon Hawthorne, Zara Hayes, Emma Hewitt, Jenny Howard and Gemma Knox at Sunshine, Susanna Kleeman, Dr. Genevieve von Lob, Delphi Lythgoe, Sandra MacDonald, Professor Tessa McWatt, Peter Morgan, Deborah Nadel, Alison Nagle, Northeast Harbor Library, Paul Olsewski, Ciara Parks, Ruth Reid, Andrew Ruhemann, Arlo Nadel Ruhemann, Estralita Serano, Anne Shamash, Chloe Smith, Ardu Vakil, Felix Velarde, Sara Watkins at KW Interactive, Jack Wilson, Meghan Wilson, and Theo Wilson.

  And, of course, the women who’ve gone before us and those who will come after.

  About the Authors

  Jennifer Nadel

  Jennifer Nadel trained as a barrister before becoming a writer, journalist, and campaigner. She was one of the UK’s most senior female television correspondents and has broadcast for the BBC, ITV, and Channel 4 News. Her book on domestic violence was made into a BBC film and a Channel 4 documentary, and her report from Bosnia on the use of rape as a weapon of war was broadcast around the world. Her first novel, Pretty Thing, was published by Little, Brown in 2015. She is a trustee of the charity INQUEST and has a long history of activism. She stood as a candidate for the Green Party in the UK general election in 2015. A mother of three boys, she was born in Princeton, New Jersey, and is a dual US/UK national who lives in London.

  Gillian Anderson

  Gillian Anderson gained worldwide recognition in The X-Files, garnering awards and critical acclaim for her role as FBI Special Agent Dana Scully over the show’s nine-year run. Some of her many screen credits include The House of Mirth, The Last King of Scotland, and the acclaimed BBC miniseries Bleak House and Great Expectations. She was nominated for an Olivier Award for her stage performance as Nora in A Doll’s House and won the Evening Standard Theatre Award for her portrayal of Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire. Gillian is on the BBC and Netflix’s The Fall as DSI Stella Gibson, on NBC’s Hannibal as Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier, and Starz’s American Gods as Media. She is an activist, speaking out regularly on issues ranging from feminism to climate change and human trafficking. Born in Chicago, she lives in London with her three children.

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  SimonandSchuster.com

  authors.simonandschuster.com/Gillian-Anderson

  authors.simonandschuster.com/Jennifer-Nadel

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  Endnotes

  Why Now?

  1. “Silent Epidemic of Violence Against Women,” The Guardian, January 12, 2016.

  2. Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, The Spirit Level: Why Greater Equality Makes Societies Stronger (New York: Penguin Books, 2010).

  Part 1, The Essentials: Preparing for the Journey

  Essential Practice 2, Thinking Kindly: Changing the Messages We Give Ourselves

  1. Lissa Rankin, “The Nocebo Effect: Negative Thoughts Can Harm Your Health,” Owning Pink (blog), on the website of Psychology Today, last modified August 6, 2013, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/owning-pink/201308/the-nocebo-effect-negative-thoughts-can-harm-your-health.

  Essential Practice 3, Responsibility: Taking Care of Ourselves

  1. “Moods & Hormones: Emotional Health and Well-being Throughout the Lifecycle,” Connections, February 2012, on the website of Women’s International Pharmacy, www.womensinternational.com/connections/moods.html.

  Part 2, The 9 Principles

  Principle 1, Honesty: Getting Real

  1. Denis Campbell and Haroon Siddique, “Mental Illness Soars Among Young Women in England,” The Guardian, last modified September 29, 2016, www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/sep/29/self-harm-ptsd-and-mental-illness-soaring-among-young-women-in-england-survey.

  2. Ibid.

  3. Virginia Hughes, “Mice Inherit Specific Memories, Because Epigenetics?,” Only Human (blog), on the website of National Geographic, last modified December 13, 2013, phenomena.nationalgeographic.com/2013/12/01d/mice-inherit-specific-memories-because-epigenetics.

  4. “Licking Rat Pups: The Genetics of Nurture,” The Nerve Blog, on the website of Boston University, last modified November 11, 2010, sites.bu.edu/ombs/2010/11/11/licking-rat-pups-the-genetics-of-nurture.

  5. Thanks to Rokelle Lerner for this: website of Rokelle Lerner Associates, www.rokellelerner.com.

  Principle 2, Acceptance: Making Friends with What Is

  1. Exercise inspired by Julia Cameron’s “God Jar,” The Vein of Gold: A Journey to Your Creative Heart (New York: G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 1997).

  2. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss (New York: Scribner, 2005).

  3. Thanks to Eckhart Tolle for this idea.

  Principle 4, Trust: Living Without Fear

  1. Sharon Horesh Bergquist, “How Stress Affects Your Body,” TEDEd, ed.ted.com/lessons/how-stress-affects-your-body-sharon-horesh-bergquist.

  2. Thanks to Jennifer’s sister, Alison Nadle, for coming up with this acronym.

  3. Phillippa Lally, Cornelia H. M. van Jaarsveld, Henry W. W. Potts, and Jane Wardle, “How Are Habits Formed: Modelling Habit Formation in the Real World,” European Journal of Social Psychology 40, no. 6 (October 2010): 998–1009; also see James Clear, “How Long Does It Actually Take to Form a New Habit? (Backed by Science),” The Blog, The Huffington Post, last m
odified June 10, 2014, www.huffingtonpost.com/james-clear/forming-new-habits_b_5104807.html.

  4. Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action (London: Vermilion, 2007).

  5. Ibid.

  Principle 5, Humility: Unmasking Our Ego

  1. Sue Dumais, “The Power of Positive Thinking,” Team Northrup Blog, on the website of Team Northrup, last modified June 29, 2011, www.teamnorthrup.com/2011/06/29/the-power-of-positive-thinking.

  2. This list is used by some twelve-step fellowships.

  3. Julie Borowski, “18 Facts You Need to Know About U.S. Prisons,” on the website of Newsweek, last modified February 23, 2015, europe.newsweek.com/eighteen-facts-you-need-know-about-us-prisons-308860.

  4. Prison: The Facts,” Prison Reform Trust, on the website of Apprentice Supermarket, summer 2014, fbclientprisoners.s3.amazonaws.com/Resources/Prison%20the%20facts%20May%202014.pdf.

  5. Ibid.

  6. “How Many Species Are We Losing?,” on the website of the World Wildlife Federation, wwf.panda.org/about_our_earth/biodiversity/biodiversity.

  Principle 6, Peace: Ending the Conflict Within

  1. Paul Grossman et al., “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and Health Benefits: A Meta-analysis,” Journal of Psychosomatic Research 57, no. 1 (July 2004): 35–43.

  2. Michael D. Mrazek et al., “Mindfulness Training Improves Working Memory Capacity and GRE Performance While Reducing Mind Wandering,” Psychological Science, published online March 28, 2013, doi:10.1177/0956797612459659.

  3. Rachel Moss, “How Much Time Do We Spend on Our Devices?” The Huffington Post (UK), September 10, 2014, www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/09/10/digital-detox-technology-addiction-facts_n_5795982.html.

  4. Thanks to Jack Kornfield for this analogy.

  5. Neither of us can remember who first told us this story, but thank you, whoever it was!

  Principle 7, Love: Transforming Relationships

  1. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), Love Addicts Anonymous (LAA), and Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA).

  2. Dr. Sharon Stills, “Health Benefits of Masturbation,” on the website of the Women’s Health Network, www.womenshealthnetwork.com/sexandfertility/health-benefits-of-masturbation.aspx.

  3. “Domestic Violence—The Facts,” on the website of Refuge, www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/what-is-domestic-violence/domestic-violence-the-facts.

  4. According to a 2011 UN report.

  Principle 8, Joy: Living Fully

  1. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life (New York: Basic Books, 1998).

  Principle 9, Kindness: Love in Action

  1. Jen Green, The Impact of Environmentalism: Food and Farming (Chicago: Raintree, 2013).

  2. Sarah Callard, “Is It Worth It? Refillable Packaging,” on the website of The Telegraph (UK), last modified June 23, 2007, www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/3666069/Is-it-worth-it-Refillable-packaging.html.

  3. Nicholas Cecil, “Packaging Adds 20% to Cost of Fruit,” on the website This is Money, April 18, 2007, www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/bills/article-1609196/Packaging-adds-20-to-cost-of-fruit.html.

  4. Paul Delaney, “How Long It Takes for Some Everyday Items to Decompose,” on the website Down2Earth Materials, last modified February 14, 2013, www.down2earthmaterials.ie/decompose.

  5. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Matthew D. Della Porta, “Boosting Happiness, Buttressing Resilience: Results from Cognitive and Behavioral Interventions” (in press) University of California, Riverside, 2008, sonjalyubomirsky.com/wp-content/themes/sonjalyubomirsky/papers/LDinpressb.pdf.

  6. Jason Marsh and Jill Suttie, “5 Ways Giving Is Good for You,” on the website of the Greater Good Science Center, University of California, Berkeley, last modified December 13, 2010, greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/5_ways_giving_is_good_for_you.

  7. This metaphor comes from Peter Singer’s short film The Life You Can Save in 3 Minutes, YouTube video, uploaded on June 6, 2010, www.youtube.com/watch?v=onsIdBanynY.

  8. “Every 3 Seconds a Child Needlessly Dies,” on the website of Save the Children, www.savethechildren.org/site/c.8rKLIXMGIpI4E/b.7892381/k.F0A6/Every_3_Seconds_a_Child_Needlessly_Dies.htm.

  9. “One Day a Week Can Make a World of Difference,” on the website of Meat Free Monday, www.meatfreemondays.com/about.

  10. Inspired by a lecture given by Andrew Harvey in the Open Center, New York City, in 2006.

  Part 3: The Manifesto

  1. “Hunger and Poverty Facts and Statistics,” on the website of Feeding America, www.feedingamerica.org/hunger-in-america/impact-of-hunger/hunger-and-poverty/hunger-and-poverty-fact-sheet.html.

  2. “Richest 1% Will Own More Than All the Rest by 2016,” Oxfam International press release, January 19, 2015, www.oxfam.org/en/pressroom/pressreleases/2015-01-19/richest-1-will-own-more-all-rest-2016.

  3. “Even It Up,” antipoverty petition on the website of Oxfam International, act.oxfam.org/great-britain/cameron-inequality-petition-even-it-up.

  4. Jenny Hope, “Hunger in Britain Is Becoming ‘Public Health Emergency’ as Number of People Turning to Food Banks to Feed Families Soars,” on the website of the Daily Mail (UK), last modified December 4, 2013, www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2517898/Hunger-Britain-public-health-emergency-number-people-turning-food-banks-feed-families-soars.html.

   In 2008, 26,000 Britons were fed by food banks. By 2012, that number had risen to 347,000.

  5. “African American Poverty: African American Hunger Fact Sheet,” on the website of Feeding America, www.feedingamerica.org/hunger-in-america/impact-of-hunger/african-american-hunger/african-american-hunger-fact-sheet.html.

  6. Amber Phillips, “The Sad State of Black Women in Statewide Political Office,” The Washington Post, December 5, 2015, www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/12/05/the-sad-state-of-black-women-in-statewide-political-office.

  7. “Economics: Paid and Unpaid Work,” on the website of the Sexual Assault Support Center of Waterloo (SASCWR), www.sascwr.org/files/www/resources_pdfs/anti_oppression/Economics.Paid_and_Unpaid_Labor.pdf.

  8. Beatrix Campbell, End of Equality (London: Seagull Books, 2013).

  9. US Current Population Survey and the National Committee on Pay Equity; also Bureau of Labor Statistics: Weekly and Hourly Earnings Data from the Current Population Survey.

  10. According to a 2012 survey conducted by the US Labor Department.

  11. Family and Medical Leave in 2012: Technical Report (Washington, DC: US Department of Labor, September 7, 2012; revised April 18, 2014), ww.dol.gov/asp/evaluation/fmla/fmla-2012-technical-report.pdf.

  12. David Brindle, “Carers Save the Country ,£119bn a Year,” The Guardian, last modified May 12, 2011, www.theguardian.com/society/2011/may/12/carers-save-uk-119bn-a-year.

  13. Bryce Covert, “Putting a Price Tag on Unpaid Housework,” on the website of Forbes, last modified May 30, 2012, www.forbes.com/sites/brycecovert/2012/05/30/putting-a-price-tag-on-unpaid-housework/#1ef1685a544f.

  14. Beatrix Campbell, “Why We Need a New Women’s Revolution,” The Guardian, last modified May 25, 2014, www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/may/25/we-need-new-womens-revolution.

  15. Ibid.

  16. Ibid.

  17. Eleanor Clift, “Asia’s 163 Million Missing Girls,” on the website of The Daily Beast, June 21, 2011, www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/06/21/gender-selection-abortion-crisis-in-asia-india-u-s.html.

  18. “Statistics,” on the website of Rape Crisis England & Wales, rapecrisis.org.uk/statistics.php.

  19. “The Criminal Justice System: Statistics,” on the website of Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), rainn.org/get-information/statistics/reporting-rates.

  Index

  A note about the index: The pages referenced in this index refer to the page numbers in the print edition. Clicking on a page number will take you to the ebook location that corresponds to the beginning of that page in the print edition. For
a comprehensive list of locations of any word or phrase, use your reading system’s search function.

  A

  A21 Campaign, 180

  abuse, 214, 237–39

  resources for, 313

  acceptance, 83–108, 121

  Acceptance Cup exercise, 86–88

  and changing what we can, 103–6

  of emotions, 83–86, 92–102

  honesty and, 91

  of the past, people, places, and things, 88–89

  of reality, 91–92

  of responsibility, 90–91

  Serenity Prayer and, 85, 103

  Step into Your Light exercise, 89–90

  surrender, 84–88

  in wider world, 106–7

  ACT (Action Changes Things), 51–52, 198, 262, 274

  action(s), 51–52, 198, 306–8

  acceptance, 108

  anger release, 133

  anonymity and, 276

  choices, see choices

  fear release, 156

  gentleness, 20

  giving, 270, 278–84

  gratitude, 11

  humility, 180

  joining, 270, 284–88

  joy, 265

  keeping log of, 275–76

  kindness, 270, 274–77, 290

  love, 242

  love as feeling vs., 209

  meditation, 45

  peace, 206

  and price of not acting, 275

  self-care, 37

  self-honesty, 82

  activism, 106, 264, 275, 307–8

  finding your cause, 284–85

  progress vs. perfection in, 286–87