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Acumen, 271

  addiction, 46, 174, 211, 215, 258

  codependency, 210–11

  resources for, 314–16

  Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi, 20

  Afghan Connection, 79

  affirmations, 4, 17, 43

  acceptance, 108

  being right vs. happy, 133

  fear release, 156

  gentleness, 20

  gratitude, 11

  humility, 180

  joy, 265

  kindness, 290

  love, 242

  meditation, 45

  peace, 206

  self-care, 37

  self-honesty, 82

  stories and, 113–14, 115

  alcoholism, 174

  Alcott, Louisa May, 40

  Allende, Isabel, 208

  Amritanandamayi, Mata (Amma), 206

  Angelou, Maya, 288

  anger, 123, 132, 133, 205

  bucket exercise, 118–19

  forgiveness and, 172

  releasing safely, 116–19

  resentment and, 121, 123

  Anne of Green Gables (Montgomery), 260

  Appell, Elizabeth, 217

  appreciation:

  of others, 235

  of your body, 30–31, 178

  see also gratitude

  Arendt, Hannah, 170

  Armstrong, Karen, 50

  Armstrong, Kristin, 5

  artistic creativity, 246–48

  artist’s life exercise, 250–51

  Artist’s Way, The (Cameron), 246

  attack thoughts, 160–61, 200

  self-blame, 160, 161, 213

  Aung San Suu Kyi, 267

  Austen, Jane, 70

  avoidance, 92–94, 97, 186, 214–15, 277

  fear as, 149

  B

  Backhouse, Helen, 244

  bad and good, fable about, 193–94

  Baez, Joan, 51

  Baker, Ella, 240

  Ball, Lucille, 252

  Banitt, Susan Pease, 316

  Bates, Daisy, 174

  Beattie, Melody, 8

  beauty:

  in nature, 249–50

  in personal appearance, 26, 32–33, 63, 304–5

  behaviors, in circle exercise, 190–91

  Bhutan, 300

  blood sugar, 25

  body, 24–26, 60

  appreciation of, 30–31, 178

  beauty and cultural norms, 26, 32–33, 63, 304–5

  exercise and, 28–29, 177

  food and, 26–28, 177

  gratitude for, 32

  HALT and, 25–26

  hormones and, 33–36

  menopause and, see menopause

  menstruation and, 33–34

  rest and, 29–30

  weight and, 26, 27, 29

  Body Shop, 288

  body-mind connection, 140–41

  boundaries, 255

  brain, neural pathways in, 146–47, 150

  Bron, Mila, 143

  Brown, Brené, 6

  Buck, Pearl S., 186

  Bunch, Charlotte, 319

  C

  Cain, Susan, 182

  Caine, Christine, 180

  camel, tying up, 148–49

  Cameron, David, 117

  Cameron, Julia, 246

  Campbell, Rebecca, 264

  Cantacuzino, Marina, 171

  cause, finding, 284–85

  changes, making, 73, 103–6

  charities, 282–83

  child, inner, see inner girl

  Child, Lydia M., 207

  childhood, 75–76, 117, 161

  abuse in, 214, 237

  relationship patterns and, 214–16, 231

  Children’s Defense Fund, 275, 306

  Chödron, Pema, 183

  choices, 270, 271–72, 282, 283, 298

  daily, 273

  Clinton, Hillary, 117

  codependency, 210–11

  Codependent No More (Beattie), 8

  coincidences, 201, 263

  Colette, 250

  comforting yourself, 21, 23

  community(ies), 284, 286

  WE, 330–31

  comparison, 154–55, 158, 162–65, 180, 282

  social media and, 162–63

  compassion, 155, 164–65, 179, 214, 218, 277, 291, 297

  acting from ego vs., 279–80

  “enemy’s shoes” exercise, 218–20

  competition, 154–55, 158, 162, 163–64, 179, 180, 225

  complaining, 163–64, 277

  connection, 164–65, 260–61, 284

  conscious living, 194–96

  Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After (Thomas), 233

  Constructive Cs, 164–65, 177

  consumer purchases, 271

  control, 158, 163–64

  illusion of, 140

  cooperation, 155, 164–65, 179

  cortisol, 140

  courage, 109–33

  releasing anger, 116–19

  releasing resentment, 121–31

  and seeking help, 120

  stories and, 110–16, 122

  in wider world, 131–32

  Cox, Laverne, 222

  creativity, 246–48

  artist’s life exercise, 250–51

  crime, 173–75

  criticizing, 163–65

  Curie, Marie, 156

  C words:

  Constructive, 164–65, 177

  Toxic, 163–65, 177

  D

  daily miracles, 6–8, 196

  dating, 222–25

  drawing up a partner spec, 223–24

  Golden Rule for, 225

  historical baggage and, 222–23

  De Angelis, Barbara, 109

  de Beauvoir, Simone, 67

  decisions, 199

  see also choices

  DeGeneres, Ellen, 45

  depression, 119, 120, 123, 211, 243, 277

  clinical, 120

  de Staël, Madame, 300

  Dickinson, Emily, 280

  Didion, Joan, 82

  difficulty, transforming, 202

  divine, 257–58

  see also spirituality

  doing vs. thinking, 51–52

  drama, 84, 93, 101, 107, 206

  E

  Earhart, Amelia, 136

  Earth, 178–79, 291

  Eat Pray Love (Gilbert), 64

  economic inequality, 298

  economic systems, 300–301, 303, 305

  GDP, 300, 302

  Edelman, Marian Wright, 275, 306

  ego, 50, 115, 157–80, 186, 264, 268

  acting from compassion vs., 279–80

  comparison and, 162–63

  as Edging Goodness Out, 158–59

  forgiveness and, 170–72

  intellectual stimulation and, 170

  kind actions and, 276, 278–80, 285

  love and, 209, 211–12

  rightsizing and, 176–78

  spiritual gym exercise, 166–69

  thinking and, 159–61

  Toxic Cs and, 163–65, 177

  uncertainty and, 200

  Emma (Austen), 70

  emotional archaeology, 172–73

  emotions, 64, 74–75, 76, 97, 123, 131–32, 197, 202, 203

  acceptance of, 83–86, 92–102

  anger, see anger

  avoidance of, 92–94, 97, 149, 186

  fear, see fear

  feeling and releasing, 97–99, 197

  grief, 96

  HALT and, 25–26

  love as action vs., 209

  noticing and naming, 70–72, 74, 91–92, 97, 99, 101, 117–18, 197

  overwhelming, instant relief from, 216–17

  releasing past hurts, 172–73

  resentment, see resentment

  shaking to release, 102

  synthetic pain, 94–96, 122, 297

  thoughts and, 101, 159–60

  empathy, 234–35

  endurance, 104

  “enemy’s shoes” exercise, 218�
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  Ensler, Eve, 108

  enthusiasm, 254

  Ephron, Nora, 133

  equality:

  economic, 298

  for women, 62, 301–6

  Essential Practices, 1–47, 74, 177–78, 211

  about, 2–4

  Four Essentials to self-care, 26–31, 177–78

  gentleness, 13–20

  gratitude, see gratitude

  meditation, see meditation

  responsibility (self-care), see self-care

  exercise, physical, 28–29, 177

  yoga, 324–26

  exercises, 3–4, 52

  Acceptance Cup, 86–88

  artist’s life, 250–51

  befriending yourself, 22–23

  centering yourself before, 4

  daily choices, 273

  daily miracles, 6–8

  discarding ideas about yourself, 65–67

  drawing up a partner spec, 223–24

  emotional archaeology, 172–73

  enemy’s shoes, 218–20

  feeling and releasing emotions, 98–99

  finding your cause, 284–85

  gaining perspective, 269

  identifying and rewriting stories, 111–14

  identifying buried truths, 73–74

  inner circle, 190–91

  internal landscape, 183

  joy in practice, 252–54

  living proof of positive outcomes, 137, 201

  magic listening, 233–34

  meditation, 41–43, 187–88; see also meditation

  money matters, 281–82

  moving from fear to trust, 151–53

  mundane tasks, 194–95

  new script, 16–18

  reconnecting with your authentic self, 57–59

  releasing toxicity, 125–29

  reprogramming fear-based response system, 142–43

  spiritual gym, 166–69

  expectations, 130

  F

  “faking” new behaviors, 150

  Fane, Sarah, 79

  fear, 14, 64, 65, 135–56, 158, 192, 297

  acronym for, 139, 145

  as avoidance, 149

  biological function of, 139, 140

  body-mind connection and, 140–41

  choosing trust over, 136, 141, 143, 155

  inner girl and, 144

  mind map and, 142–43, 146

  moving from fear to trust, exercise for, 151–53

  new direction and, 143–44

  reprogramming exercise for, 142–43

  self-fulfilling, 141

  Three-Second Rule and, 144

  trusting in opposite of, 145–46

  uncertainty and, 200

  unmasking, 138–41

  what-ifs and, 148

  feelings, see emotions

  Feminine Mystique, The (Friedan), 60

  fight-or-flight response, 140

  flow, 247

  focus, 141, 178

  living in the present, 174–76

  food, 26–28, 177, 299, 307

  Ford, Debbie, 85, 106

  forgiveness, 170–72

  Forgiveness Project, 171

  Four Essentials, 26–31, 177–78

  Frank, Anne, 270

  Friedan, Betty, 60

  friendships, 212, 221, 254

  ending, 239

  see also relationships

  Furstenberg, Diane von, 37

  G

  gadgets, 186

  Gannon, Sharon, 324

  Gbower, Leymah, 135

  GDP, 300, 302

  genetic inheritance, 65

  gentleness, 13–20

  new script, 16–18

  Gilbert, Elizabeth, 64

  giving, 270, 278–84

  to charities, 282–83

  resources for, 324

  goal pursuit, 159, 165, 268

  God, 257–58

  reaction against, 258

  see also spirituality

  Golden Rule, xviii, 255

  for dating, 225

  good and bad, fable about, 193–94

  gossip, 213

  government, see politics and government

  gratitude, 5–11, 40, 195, 235, 262, 263, 289

  for body, 32

  daily miracles, 6–8, 196

  grief, 96

  gross domestic product (GDP), 300, 302

  group solidarity, 240

  guilt, 213, 275, 281

  H

  habits, 146–47

  “faking” a new behavior, 150

  HALT, 25–26

  happiness, 243, 263, 300

  flow and, 247

  kindness and, 277

  wealth vs., 300

  see also joy

  Herbert, Anne, 274

  Hillesum, Etty, 203

  honesty, 122

  acceptance and, 91

  in relationships, 225–26

  about self, see self

  in wider world, 79–81

  hormones, 33–36

  stress, 140

  Huffington, Arianna, 202

  Huffington Post, 202

  hugging, 236

  human, being, 203

  humility, 157–80

  Constructive Cs and, 164–65, 177

  forgiveness and, 170–72

  and living in the present, 174–76

  rightsizing and, 176–78

  spiritual gym exercise, 166–69

  in wider world, 178–79

  hunger, 299, 307

  I

  Iceland, 302–3

  imperfections, 227

  indecision, 199

  infatuation, 230–31

  inner circle, 190–91

  inner girl, 75–77, 216

  fear and, 144

  inner knowing, 285

  inner light, 244

  inner voice, 199

  inspiration, 254

  intellectual stimulation, 170

  internal landscape, 183

  intimacy dance, 232

  J

  jails, 173–74

  Japan, 304

  Jeffers, Susan, 14

  joining, 270, 284–88

  Jong, Erica, 103

  joy, 41, 243–65

  activism and, 264

  artist’s life exercise, 250–51

  availability of, 245

  boundaries and, 255

  creating space for, 252–56

  creativity and, 246–48

  flow and, 247

  in nature and beauty, 249–50

  necessity of, 243, 244–45

  in practice, 252–54

  in wider world, 243, 264–65

  judgement, 212, 240, 291, 297

  “enemy’s shoes” exercise, 218–20

  K

  Kacungira, Nancy, 161

  Katie, Byron, 225

  Keller, Helen, 242

  Kidd, Sue Monk, 55

  Kilpatrick, Martha, 157

  kindness, 264, 267–90, 291, 299

  acting, 270, 274–77

  choosing, 270, 271–72, 282, 283

  ego and, 276, 278–80, 285

  finding your cause, 284–85

  giving, see giving

  happiness and, 277

  joining, 270, 284–88

  in wider world, 288–89

  King, Coretta Scott, 297

  Kingma, Daphne Rose, 116

  Klein, Naomi, xv

  knowing, 192

  inner, 285

  what’s good and bad, 193–94

  Koirala, Anuradha, 284

  Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 181

  L

  Labdrön, Machig, 159

  labiaplasty, 63

  Lamott, Anne, 265

  Landers, Ann, 123

  Latifah, 21

  Law of Attraction Plain and Simple, The: Create the Extraordinary Life That You Deserve (Ricotti), 189

  legal rights and protections, 62, 238

  light, stepping into, 89–90

  Linn, Denise, 154
r />   listening, 233–34

  living in the present, 174–76

  Lorde, Audre, 24

  love, 14, 24, 207–42

  appreciation and, 235

  and choosing to be single, 221

  codependency and, 210–11

  dating, see dating

  ego and, 209, 211–12

  as feeling vs. action, 209

  Golden Rule and, xviii

  how you view and treat others, 212–13

  infatuation vs., 230–31

  infinite supply of, 209, 239–40

  key to, 208–10

  kindness and, see kindness

  listening and, 233–34

  receiving too little or too much, in childhood, 214–15

  romantic, 208, 220

  romantic, three stages of, 231–32

  search for, 208–9, 220

  self and, 210–12

  sexual, 228–29

  template for, 214–16, 231, 237

  unconditional, 209

  understanding and, 217–20

  in wider world, 240–41

  see also relationships

  Lucas, Caroline, 290

  luck, 282, 289

  M

  Maathai, Wangari, 322

  Macpherson, Miranda, 158

  magic listening, 233–34

  magic multiplying effect, 9, 18, 129, 155, 209, 277

  Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati, 327

  manifesto, 293–95

  mantra meditation, 187–88

  marriage, 222–23

  legal protections and, 238

  masturbation, 229–30

  maternity leave, 302

  Mead, Margaret, 294

  meaning, 267–68

  gaining perspective, 269

  Meat-Free Monday, 286–87

  meditation, 39–45, 77, 182, 184–85, 186–87, 201–5, 285

  benefits of, 183–84, 190

  daily practice of, 41–43

  deepening practice of, 185, 189–90, 203

  mantra, 187–88

  methods for, 186–87

  place for, 43

  prayer and, 262

  resources for, 327–28

  time for, 185, 189–90

  menopause, 34

  resources for, 324

  menstruation, 33–34

  messages we get from others, 60–61, 64

  discarding ideas about yourself, 65–67

  messages we give ourselves:

  changing, 13–20

  negative, 13–18, 31

  new script exercise, 16–18

  stories, 110–16, 122

  Meyer, Joyce, 14

  mind:

  detox for, 191–92

  as garden, 146

  internal landscape and, 183

  peace of, see peace

  see also thoughts, thinking

  mindful living, 194–96

  miracles, 136

  daily, 6–8, 196

  money:

  giving, 281–84

  keeping track of spending, 281–82

  monkey trap, 124

  Montgomery, L. M., 260

  Morrison, Toni, 121

  Mother Teresa, 13

  movement:

  exercise, 28–29, 177

  shaking, 102

  thoughts and, 198

  yoga, 324–26

  multiplying effect, 9, 18, 129, 155, 209, 277

  mundane tasks, 194–95

  Murdoch, Iris, 249

  Murphy, Carmel, 197

  N

  naming, see noticing and naming

  nature and beauty, 249–50